Guest Post: Running Is Better Than Sex (Or, Why I’m Freakin’ Single)

[Tonight we have a guest post from a reader who sent me a message last week saying she was inspired by Shedding It and decided to sit down and write her own Getting It-esque post. She sent it to me, and, since I was literally LOLing after about 20 seconds, I asked her if I could share it. She asked to remain nameless, as she wants to, you know, get a good job someday, but I told her she needs to take pride in this kind of writing -- because frankly, it's pretty awesome. Future employers and parents be damned.]

Today is Valentine’s Day – you either hate it or love it. I’m single, and let me tell you, I’m perfectly happy.  Maybe it’s because I’m a relationship cynic, or maybe because I have high standards, or maybe I just know that running can so often be better than sex.  So if you’re in the same boat as I am here’s ten reasons why I’m not crying that I (probably!) won’t getting laid on V-Day this year:

10. Running gives you great legs. Who doesn’t love a great pair of legs?  Guys love ‘em and girls respect ‘em.  Having a great pair of legs is a testament to your strength and power.  Strong legs can help you run five miles, sex just can’t.  Especially when you just lay there and take it (hint: don’t).

9.  You can run by yourself. Now you can have sex by yourself too — it’s called masturbation.  But let’s be serious…unlike masturbation, running by yourself can be wildly fulfilling.  You get x amount of miles to think about anything you want.  During any type of sex, the only thing you should be thinking is, well, about the sex you’re having.  If your mind is wandering, the sex isn’t good enough.

8. Running burns more calories. I have no scientific facts to back this statement up.  But I typically find running harder, so I’m gonna go with the idea that it earns more calories and works more muscles.  I mean, I love a good sack session, but I know that in the end, the only thing that will make last Saturday’s drunk Mac and Cheese go away some quality time with your Asics (or Nikes, or Adidas, or whatev).

7. Running preps you for sex. Endurance, endurance, endurance.  All the fun positions require it.  Great sex can also be athletic sex.  Furthermore, when you’re heavier you have less of a sex drive.  I mean, I love my body more than ever when it’s in shape and it makes me want to show it off!  Leading to…

6. Runners get to wear skimpy clothes in public. I did Cross Country in high school for many reasons, but one of the best ones: it’s a boy buffet!  Runner guys have toned legs and typically great abs and arms.  So, you get to show off you’re rockin’ bod and legs to all these scantily-clad guys.  Short shorts?  Check.  Tight fitting sports bra?  Check.  A side note: it’s acceptable for runners (like me) to have small boobs (like me).

5. You can run to rock out music. Frankly, I just wouldn’t put on Lady Gaga or Kayne when I’m in the bedroom.

4. Runners never look desperate. The more you run, the more hardcore you will look.  People who run every day are not called addicts.  People who have sex are.  Either that or they’re newlyweds.

3.  You’re not called a whore if you run with different people every weekend. Or even every day.  You will also not get nasty diseases  nor will you be considered a sexual deviant.  While you might get blisters and callouses on your feet, a nasty foot does NOT equal a nasty vagina.  Though finding a good running buddy can be like finding a good boyfriend… see #9 on this point.

2. Running works your ass. Fact: sex can make your ass sore too.  Fact: you’ll feel better knowing that your ass is sore because you ran up a mega hill six times.  Fact: Everyone can screw, but not everyone run up a mega hill.

1. A runner’s high lasts longer than an orgasm. Hands down, self-explanatory.  Also, there’s not dimming of the post-sex glow because you didn’t get to cuddle.  Even if you have a bad run, you will still feel better, and it will always keep you coming back for more.

Happy Valentine’s Day!!!!

Tagged as: boys, dating, Getting It, girls, holidays, love, sex, thinking about sex during long runs