Hail Mary: About The Fails…

After nearly 16 weeks of training, I have come to accept something as a fact: every four weeks, I experience a running fail. There was the first attempted 10-mile fail in mid-September, the half-marathon fail on Oct. 18, the first attempted 16-mile fail on Nov 23, and, yesterday, four weeks to the day, the last of the fails on my last 18-mile run!

Failing every four weeks is kinda my thing!

And here’s what I’ve determined: every fail is usually partially a result of me freaking out about the run. Yeah, there have been physical factors at play too, but me just stressing out, getting anxiety, and giving myself a nervous stomach is a huge part of it…which then ruins the run. Had I just stayed calm, all of these would probably be WINS.

I have been trying not to think about the long runs, but the last 18-miler was stressing me out big time. Like I said yesterday, I knew how much it was going to hurt. The first 18-miler I was blissfully unaware. And the next long run, the LONGEST RUN EVER, yeah it’s gonna hurt, but that’s all the glory, so who cares?! The whole time I can tell myself, “This is it! You never have to do this again!” And I’m going to get a medal! But this last 18-miler is the biggest challenge for me. I tried to take it on by getting up and going first thing. Now, I am up by 7:30 every day, but wouldn’t you know that yesterday, I was so, so terribly tired, I couldn’t get out of bed until closer to 10? I knew it was my anxiety at work. All day I had a terrible nervous stomach and was freaking out. And when I finally got to the gym, I felt better, but the problem is, the nerves do their damage early on. By then, mentally I was actually ready, but I was still choking down puke at mile seven. My body had checked out.

Now, none of these fails have been serious. On all of them, I’ve been able to get out at least eight miles, and I finished the half-marathon in a respectable amount of time. So the term “fail” is a bit harsh. But I can’t help but feel very defeated initially when they happen. Yesterday I walked out to stretch and consider what Lifetime movies would be on later, cause I was in that kind of a mood. I just felt so sad!

But the thing is, I bounce back really quickly. Why? Because I’m FINE with having a fail this week; it makes me confident I won’t have one in Florida! I used to do a lot of theater, and the rule was “a bad dress rehearsal means a good opening night.” I gotta get all the fails out of my system. Yes, I’m the biggest optimist on the planet, but that’s how I like it. If I weren’t, I would have quit in September!

And before you think you can’t relate…this isn’t just about running! Yeah, I have a good, successful life, but there have been many jobs I wanted that I didn’t get, many contests I’ve lost, many (many) guy fails…but that’s just part of life. I’ve gotten pretty good at not letting my past determine my future. I mean, good grief, if I was still hung up on past fails, I’d be a virgin who can’t drive. (RIP, Brittany Murphy.) And a fat, nonathletic, virgin to boot!

When I told my mom about missing the 18, she asked me if I wanted to just run the half-marathon at Disney. Now, first, JERK THING TO SAY, MOM, and second, that never even crossed my mind! My body is ready. I am ready! I have no doubt that I’m going to knock out 18 miles on Christmas Eve day like it’s no big deal. I have no doubt that I’m going to finish the marathon. They say the only thing to fear is fear itself, and in my case, that’s true. The run only seems to hurt when I am especially worried it’s going to hurt. That’s my “Getting It” moment this week.

My mantra for the next two weeks is, “No guts, no glory.” Not just for running…for everything. If it’s scary, if it hurts, if there’s potential to fail…FINE. BRING IT. Settling for a mediocre life — and you know what your standards of “I suck” are, we’re all different — because you’re worried about failing is stupid. You’re gonna fail. A lot. Especially if you plan to change the world or experience happiness and satisfaction in any significant way.

And I’m really glad I’ve just made peace with it; it makes rocking out with my you-know-what out that much more fun!

PS — Don’t forget you have just one week until we experience the huge love-fest that is going to be the New Year’s resolution post!! Check out the original post on the whole Res thing, and keep working on yours! I’m so excited to hear!