Pimp My Kitchen: KitchenAid Stand Mixer

With the holidays approaching, there’s just been one thing on my list: the KitchenAid Stand Mixer. Everyone knows that this iconic piece of kitchen equipment is the P-I-M-P. I’ve lusted after it for a while, but now actually feel like I’m at a point where I’d use it regularly. Full disclosure: every time I go into Bed, Bath, and Beyond, I see it, and I just want to get wifed, so I can register for it, put it in my dream kitchen, and spend my days writing, cooking, sexing (and, well, writing about cooking and sexing).

Well wifedom is pretty far off at this point, but I was hesitant to put it on my Christmas list because of the price tag. I don’t really feel justified in asking Santa for something so expensive, even if I do know it’s worth every penny. My plan was to find the best deal (so far, Amazon was leading) and just ask relatives for gift cards to contribute to my mixer fund.

At first, I know my mom was skeptical of my mixer lust. Whenever I want something, she always says, “You’ll never use it!” No. I have proven time and time again, I use the shit I buy. Yes, I love everything I see on TV, but when I buy them, I love them even more — I love them till it hurts. I use them until they wear out or I accidentally melt them — Magic Bullet cord, Blackberry charger, digital camera — or drown them in my gym bag. It kills me when people can afford amazing kitchens but don’t use their gadgets. (Every rich trophy wife who has a pimped-out kitchen but doesn’t know how to turn the microwave on…suck ittttt.)

Anyway. Sunday I was flipping through the ads and saw that Target had the mixer for cheaper than I have ever seen it. Plus you got a $20 Target gift card if you bought it. Ummmm….Santa, can you hear me??

The thing was, I really wanted it before Christmas anyway because I am going to be doing mad amounts of baking over the next six weeks. Wouldn’t it be nice to have it for all those treats? My mom understood. She understood that I get a boner when I walk into someone’s kitchen and they have one, that it’s all I wanted for Christmas/life, that they are normally really expensive and that this was an insanely good deal, and that after the ish that went down in NYC last week I needed a motherly “You don’t need to be wifed to own a KitchenAid mixer” reminder.

My mom, since she is amazing and all, gave me half of the cost as my early Christmas present. I made some calls. One Target was already sold out of them; the other Target had just four left. I put one on hold. It honestly didn’t seem real!  When I went to pick it up, I couldn’t help gushing to the salesgirl ringing me up, “Wow, this is the best day of my life!” She agreed that it is a sweet mixer, as she dragged the box onto the counter. (The box was huge! Forty pounds of happiness.)

I also had an extra coupon, so when all was said and done, I left with $30 in Target gift cards. Um…that is definitely the icing on the well-mixed cake!

I lugged the box into the house. My grandma, apparently, did not know it was coming. “Oh, look what I found!” I said, trying to appear casual. She said, “Where are you going to put it!?” I said, “I’ll move out.”

Tuesday morning, first thing, I broke into the box, like, well, a kid on Christmas. I checked out the attachments (a wire whip, a dough hook for bread, and a standard beater), read the manual, registered it online, and wept a little tear over how happy I am. We discussed building a little nook for it in the kitchen, but I made space for it on our counter. It’s heavier than an anchor, but it actually doesn’t take up that much room.

Well, because this is the kind of thing you Tweet and Facebook incessantly, everyone has been asking a lot of questions. First, what color is it? It’s white. All the ones at Target were white, which is fine, because I legitimately would never have been able to choose a color on Amazon. I’m so indecisive, ordering at restaurants with me takes 20 minutes and I can barely choose a nail polish color when I’m getting a pedicure. I was glad to not have to make a decision. (If you are considering buying one, and want to pay an extra $49, Target does have other colors online. It’s still a great deal.) My dream kitchen is white, cream, and clear, so the white is fine with me. It’s so sleek, so Space Age, both retro and modern.

Second, what am I going to make first? Um, good question! But it’s Wednesday, so you know what that means…!! I’m actually really excited about the bread hook though! It came with some good recipes for bread and I love homemade bread, so I’ll definitely be doing that. I had planned to make homemade pizza dough this week, so that will for sure get tossed in there. But yeah, expect a post full of boners and foodgasms later today, after I use it for the first time.

Third, what am I going to name it? Wasn’t sure at first, but I am most definitely naming her Betty. One look and all I could think was Betty Draper. White, retro, domestic, secretly bad ass, and so pretty. Duh.

This is the ultimate kitchen pimping item. I’m so excited. And now my Christmas list is going to include the cookbook for it and maybe a few accessories (when I heard there’s an ice cream maker attachment, yes, a little pee came out). My ho-to-housewife transformation is nearly complete. Just…sans rock. (Minor detail.)

Tagged as: baking, boys, Christmas, gadgets, happiness, KitchenAid, love, technology