Good morning! Today we’re going to the virtual mailbag!
Last week, I got a lovely e-mail from a reader who wrote, “I’ve contemplated going to a gym, but I always feel self-conscious going to gyms. I know it sounds silly, but I just don’t know how to get over the self-consciousness! The town I live in has no female only gyms. When you started heading to the gym, did you feel self-conscious too? Is this something that will change with time? Or is it just me? I keep seeing images of me wobbling along on the treadmill when there’s a whole bunch of super good looking people around me, and I feel like they’re judging me!”
That is SUCH a good question! I e-mailed her back, but I thought it would be worthwhile to talk about it here. I don’t know about you, but I have DEFINITELY struggled with this before!
Have you ever played hide-and-seek with a 3-year-old? She’ll hide in plain sight, but cover her eyes. She thinks if she can’t see you, you can’t see her. And when I first started gymming, oh, 70 pounds ago, that’s exactly what I did. I wore a bandanna, baggy gray clothes, and my glasses. I didn’t go during peak hours, and I sure as hell didn’t go into the weight area, because that’s where the guys and super-toned women were. (Or so I thought.) I had my headphones on at all times, and existed in my own little world. I can be directly in front of you, but so long as we don’t make eye contact, I’m wearing an Invisibility Cloak. I can’t see you, so you can’t see me.
I ran slow, I huffed and puffed, my boobs still bounced a bit too much. Of course I was self-conscious!
When you want to reduce your gym self-consciousness, I think the most important thing is to join the gym where you feel the most comfortable. It might not be perfect, but some gyms are just going to make you feel better than others. It may be one where there are more women or it may be one that’s not as busy/popular. Or it might be one where it’s a bunch of meatheads who don’t give a crap about some girl on a bike. Whatever works for you…embrace it! The more you go to the gym, the more it will feel like “your” gym. Even if you’re the most out-of-shape person there, you will develop a sense of belonging. That’s what happened to me. Yeah I was huffing and puffing and bouncing — and I was doing it every damn day for weeks. I eventually felt like I earned my place, even if it was last.
I used to do stand up comedy (one of the best parts of being overweight is it forces you to develop a good personality and sense of humor!) and one of my first routines was actually about how there should be two types of gyms: “fit people gyms” and “fat people gyms.” The joke went something like this, “For me and all the other people who actually need to work out, we can have our own gym to go to in our sweatpants and we’ll actually be allowed to sweat. And all you super-skinny people who put on make-up to go to the gym and don’t sweat can go to your own private haven….which, for lack of a better word, we’ll just call Genesys.” Genesys was the gym in town known for being expensive and snobby, where everyone from my homeroom would go to discuss prom dates on the treadmill. I was way too intimidated to go there.
Coincidentally, it’s now my gym — and, lo and behold, there are fat, sweaty people there! And when I belonged to Equinox in NYC — which has the strongest “no fatties please” reputation in NYC — there were fat, sweaty people there too! (Sorry, Equinox. Your secret’s out!) All gyms have people of all shapes, sizes, and fitness levels. And these people do actually sweat.
Even after losing lots of weight — and the boobs, sweatpants, and bandannas – I still get self-conscious at the gym sometimes. My gym at MSU was beyond fratty. Every girl had letters on her ass and every guy was with his “bros.” Some days in Spinning at Crunch, I’d end up on the bike behind a teeny Asian girl in a sports bra and booty shorts whom I could probably bench press. And my gym now is filled with MILFs, so I have “OMG she’s twice my age and half my size!” moments every time I see one of their lovely, bizarrely lineless faces glistening on the elliptical. But then I remember, no matter where I go, there will always be someone better looking and in better shape than I am. That’s just life, friends.
Yes, there are days I have major negative self-talk going on, and I want to take my spandexed ass home the second I get in the door — but the more I go, and the more I’m capable of, the easier it is to tune that talk out. (Even if it means sometimes repeating, “Hey Cougar Town, did you just run 10 miles??” over and over again in my head.) But I try my best to use it as inspiration — one day, I think, I could be like her. Whether they are fitter or faster, I try to get inspired by, not jealous of other women. And the fact is, you could be like her some day. I went from the girl in the back corner of the gym at 11:00 at night to the personal trainer who is flirting with ripped guys in between biceps curls.
As someone who now could very well be The Girl You Think Is Judging You, all I can really say is that people probably aren’t judging you like you think they are. First, if someone judges someone ANYONE for working out, they are pretty much (for lack of a better word) a total piece of shit. And really, isn’t saying, “I’m too fat and out of shape to go to the gym” sort of like saying, “I’m bleeding too profusely from my head to go to the hospital”?
But in reality, they probably just don’t care as much as we think they care. Those hot guys who are lifting weights? Probably more into their deltoids and rap songs and protein shakes than what you look like on the treadmill. That really cute girl in the all-matching Nike gear? I’m pretty sure she’s into her squats, not your sweats. Most people at the gym are there for themselves, and are too busy working on their fitness and/or trying to hide the fact they’re balding/paunchy/out-of-shape/slow/top-heavy to really notice you. When I feel self-conscious, I tell myself to get over myself! Seriously.
But, admittedly, I still do the “If I can’t see you, you can’t see me,” thing all the time. Of course, I don’t do it at the gym anymore — it’s mostly when I’m in public and we’ve slept together. I used to feel bad, but now I’m OK with it. Why else would God make big sunglasses?
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{ 5 comments… read them below or add one }
absolutely! when i first joined a gym with my friend. it was weird cuz we didn’t want to be one of those people on the treadmill struggling or we just felt so super self conscious. But now it’s like I don’t so much notice other people. it’s taken me 4 gyms for me to join before i felt comfortable at my gym. i was on a 4 month hiatus fro the gym since summer got in the way of training, and it was just easier to work out outside. and i’ve had to clock in a lot of mileage and didn’t want to do that on the treadmill. so i’m back at the gym, and it feels weird, but i know in no time, it’ll feel like home again.
my best suggestion is do trials of the gyms, we were gym hopping for at least 2 to 3 months before we settled on the gym. don’t let them talk you into a membership right away, they’re just trying to meet their quota every month. do the trials, don’t give them your credit card. Then decide which gym fits you best.
Yeah, I have *totally* been there. In fact, even after I got used to most of the gym, it still took me until a couple of months ago to start venturing into the “big kids’ side,” with the free weights and scary-looking cable machines. But, like you said, now that I’m on the “other” side – loading weights on the bench press with confidence – I realize that nobody cared what I was doing; in fact, nobody cares now either! I know that *I* never think anything other than “more power to you!” about anyone else’s workout; and, frankly, I’m way too caught up in myself to be worrying about what anyone else is doing
.-= Veggie Booty´s last blog ..Food Bliss =-.
Loved this entry – thank you for writing it. Because yes, I have always felt self conscious at the gym. I really appreciated: “But then I remember, no matter where I go, there will always be someone better looking and in better shape than I am. That’s just life, friends.” Somehow it’s a lesson I have to keep relearning, and repeating to myself over and over, wherever I may be.
My favorite gym ever wasn’t exactly a gym, it was just equiptment in space at a tanning salon. No one was ever there, and it was fantastic. Now I try to hit the gym at nonpeak hours – a bit of being anxious about how I look, but also so I can have easy access to all the equipment I want to use. I have to say though, I enjoy being there when trainers are also working their clients out because then I get to absorb some new things to try simply by being in close proximity!
I totally think I am invisible when I wear huge sunglasses. My gym is filled with gorgeous guys, and quite honestly, I don’t pay much attention to the girls. But you are totally right that guys at the gym are totally into themselves and rarely you. Although I once had a guy tell me he would never let a girlfirend join crunch since it is hook up central. ok bro
HA! I literally LOLd at “ok bro”
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